I'm Gonna (Pop) Greet Some Tags
by Shiki's Favourite Pocky
Summary: Inspiration comes from weird places - and in this case, it comes from a typo. This is the story of Kyo... and a price tag. Crackfic, oneshot


**A/N: Gee, I'm like a Fruits Basket fanfic factory these days… but let's just say that this crazy fic was inspired by a really, really funny typo I found in a Kyo/Yuki fic. I showed it to my friends in a forum I frequent, and so I came up with the idea to turn it into this. **

**Oh, and note that I'm Australian and use the term 'op shop', but for the sake of this story I'll call it 'thrift shop'.**

**Dedication goes to Saber Wing, who has encouraged me to get this going.**

**Enjoy!**

**Warning: This is a crackfic and not meant to be taken seriously. If you're looking for common sense, you're barking up the wrong tree.**

* * *

**I'm Gonna ****Pop ****Greet Some Tags**

Wanna know a secret about our favourite neko tsundere?

Well, do you?

What are you going to do once I tell you the full story? Pass it on to Yuki? Join Shigure in making perverted jokes? Declare war with Kagura?

Do you even know the _real _reason why Kyo pushes everyone away?

Alright, fine, I'll spit it out.

Kyo Sohma's guilty pleasure is thrift shops. Yes, thrift shops. Why else would he be wearing clothes that show his navel and appear a size or two too big for him? Geez, he's not like Yuki 'Prince' Sohma, you know.

But that's not all. Kyo doesn't go to thrift shops for clothes. No, why would he want stained, smelly junk people end up throwing away? Oh, no no no. He goes for the price tags.

Yes. You read that right. He. Has. A. Price. Tag. Fetish.

_Why!? _Don't ask me, it's not me who hits on inanimate objects! Although, I can tell you about how Kyo does it… And how does he keep his fetish under wraps? Easy. He just avoids shopping trips with his friends.

See, he only – yes, _only _– goes to his local thrift shop on Saturdays. Preferably, any time after noon, even though the shop opens at 8:30 every morning. So anyway, he walked into the shop – which, ironically enough, always had the song by Macklemore playing over the loudspeakers. (Geddit, 'cuz it's a thrift shop.) However, while Macklemore's going on and on about T-shirts and short skirts, Kyo's thinking about… you know.

So, he's in the thrift shop, and at first he's stunned of the amount of price tags surrounding him, as though Hatori had just erased his memories. But then his amazing kitty eyes fell upon a price tag with $1 scrawled upon it in thick black marker. It was attached to a white wedding dress that had a slight soy sauce stain at the bottom.

Kyo ambled his way to the dress and yanked it off its hanger, nearly tearing it, gazing at the wonderful price tag in awe. It was small and delicate and fine and… ah, it was perfect.

"You're coming home with me, sugar," he purred, taking the elegant dress to the counter. The salesperson gave him an odd look as she checked out the dress, but Kyo didn't care. As long as he had that $1 price tag…

* * *

Upon arriving home, Kyo sighed in relief. It appeared that everyone had gone out. Walking upstairs to his room, he ripped the price tag off the stained wedding dress and carelessly tossed said dress into his walk-in closet. Clutching the price tag tightly, he dived into bed, hugging the object tightly against his chest.

He didn't know how he'd gone to sleep, but he had, and now the faint rays of the sun were peaking upwards from far away. The sky was tinted with millions of shades of red, orange and yellow. Being a continuous early riser, he knew that this was sunrise.

Wait a minute… _sunrise!? _How long had he slept? He'd arrived home at five yesterday… just how…?

One glance at the price tag lying across his chest eliminated every worry he'd had.

"Good morning, My Price*," he murmured in an oh-so-sexy voice, rubbing his eyes and stretching in a cat-like fashion.

Being an inanimate object, the tag didn't reply. Kyo was about to rise from the futon when a knock sounded at his bedroom door.

"Kyo-kun…?" Came a high, hesitant voice. "Are you awake?"

Tohru… Of course she'd be worried to death; the damn girl cared about others more than herself. Stuffing the price tag under the doona, he called out a 'yes'.

Tohru bounded into the room, looking worried, before exploding into a string of hysteria: "Ohmigosh Kyo-kun, are you alright!? You were asleep all afternoon and missed dinner? Are you sick? Should I call-"

"I was just tired," he answered, trying not to be too blunt on the poor girl. "I had a big day yesterday, is all."

In an instant, the frown on her face warped into a grin. "Ah! I see. I'll get started on breakfast. Please come down soon!" She was about to turn and leave when something in Kyo's closet caught her eye.

"Uh… Kyo-kun… I know it's not any of my business or anything, but… whyisthereaweddingdressinyourcloset?" Her cheeks turned a nice rosy shade of pink.

That was when Kyo snapped. "THERE'S NO WEDDING DRESS IN MY CLOSET! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!?"

"Ah, I-I'm so sorry for accusing you of such a thing!" The ditzy riceball exclaimed, rushing out of the room. And just when Kyo thought the humiliation would come to an end, Shigure entered the room, a perverted smirk adorning his face.

"Oh my, what's this I hear about Kyo and a wedding dress?" The dog asked cheerfully. He strode over to the cat's closet and picked up the white dress, closely inspecting it. "Hmm, it looks a sorry state. Never fear, Kyo, I'll get Aya to patch it up for you!"

"I'd rather you throw the damn thing out!" Kyo bellowed.

"Oh come on, Kyo, you know you can visit Aya if you want a new dress!"

That was when Yuki, head bowed low with silver strands hanging in his face, also came in. His presence was probably due to Kyo's noisy ranting. What's more, he didn't seem to be fully awake. And when Yuki was half-asleep… Well, only God knew the trouble he'd brew. And the author was a poet and she fucking knows it.

The nezumi zombie-walked over to the neko's bed and looked up at Kyo, amethyst eyes clouded with fatigue as they bore into Kyo's ruby ones.

"What the hell, damn rat!?" Kyo exploded. "You're freaking me out!"

There was silence for a few moments. Then, out of nowhwere, Yuki slurred:

"Marry… me?"

Kyo gaped. Frustrated with his annoying and seriously abnormal morning, he screamed, "GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY ROOM!"

He couldn't wait to cuddle up with His Price again.

_~Owari~_

* * *

***The typo that brought this crackfic to life. Teehee.**


End file.
